OMGPD: 'Fast' Food Fury

If you look up “hangry” in the dictionary, you’ll find a picture of this guy. A 30-year-old Middletown man with an insatiable hankering for fast food took his fury out on a window at Burger King due to the restaurant’s reportedly slow service. How slow are we talking here? We probably couldn’t put it more eloquently than the arrestee who told officers, “I could probably roll six blunts and smoke them faster than they could make food.” The man was allegedly so enraged by the service that he kicked out a window pane on the front door of the restaurant, shattering it.

From Storm Watcher to Cell Dweller

Can’t a man watch some crazy thunderstorms without landing himself in a cell at the local police department? Well, actually yes ... just as long as said man doesn’t try to watch the weather event from atop a school. Police in Woonsocket received a call of a man on top of a local middle school. Though the 19-year-old man was wearing camouflage pants, police were able to spot him quickly. According to reports, he admitted to being on the roof to “watch the storm come in.” He was charged with trespassing.

Man Uses ‘Relic’ in Assault

One man seems to have found a new use for a rather obsolete relic. According to reports from the East Greenwich Police Department, a 47-year-old man assaulted a woman by throwing water on her, kicking her, slapping her, hitting her and throwing a phonebook at her. (For our younger readers, a phonebook is a large book that was used in medieval times to find phone numbers, addresses and services. It is now commonly used as a paperweight, doorstop, booster seats for the vertically challenged, etc.) The woman was taken to the hospital for her injuries while the man found himself in handcuffs, facing charges of domestic assault and domestic disorderly conduct.