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OMGPD: Assault With Unusual Weapons

Here's a look at some of the more unique police reports from around the state.


Man Flips Car Three Times Prior to DUI Arrest

A motorist in North Kingstown caught quite the show in the wee hours of the morning after he noticed an alleged intoxicated driver flip his car not once but three times. According to police, when the fellow motorist went to check on the driver’s well being, the intoxicated man told him, “Don’t call the cops. I’ve been drinking” before throwing his bumper and spare tire (which came off in the crash) in the back of his car and taking off Though the crash would’ve been a spectacle at Daytona, the man seemed completely oblivious to his aerial maneuvers when police finally pulled him over up the road – telling officers he thought he had “hit a bush.” The man is facing charges of drunken driving and possession of a prohibited weapon after police found a knife in his possession.

He Has Worcestershire Sauce and He’s Not Afraid to Use It

Never has a fermented condiment been so intimidating. According to reports from the East Greenwich Police Department, a group of men contacted officers after a man with a bat on his shoulder threatened them after they were being “loud and disruptive.” Police searched the 60-year-old man after the group claimed he had a gun on him. When police searched the man, all they found was a bottle of Worcestershire sauce tucked into his waistband. He is facing charges of disorderly conduct.

No Love for Grandma

Maybe she never made him cookies or maybe he’s just a malcontent person, but one Johnston man is really not a fan of his grandmother. Johnston police arrested the 26-year-old man twice in less than six hours after he allegedly placed multiple harassing calls to his grandmother. According to reports, the 26-year-old grandmother threatened to beat her up and told her he had guns and would shoot anyone who went to his house. Grandma contacted police and got a no-contact order against her overly grumpy grandson, but a few hours later the man was allegedly calling again, threatening to break her legs and call her profane names. According to the reports, the grandson denied placing the calls and claimed that his grandmother was “crazy’ and made the whole story up. Either way, we doubt these two will be attending a family reunion together any time soon.

Wicked Warlock of East Bay?

One Tiverton man’s choice of a deadly weapon is drawing eerily similarities to a certain green-skinned witch from fiction. According to police, a 43-year-old man is being charged with a felony count of assault with a deadly weapon…after using a broomstick to assault a woman. The broom reportedly came out after the woman bit the man following an argument. According to reports, the wannabe Wicked Warlock of East Bay hit the woman in the head with the broom. The woman, who is also facing charges of assault, was later found with cocaine on her after fleeing the scene, said police.

No ‘Happy Endings’ For Sexual Suggestive Customer

A 42-year-old North Kingstown man is no longer welcome at a local hair salon after making some sexually suggestive comments to an employee. According to reports, the man (who is a regular at the salon) made several comments to a female employee – often asking for a “happy ending” after his haircut. The final straw came when the man inquired if a newly built room in the salon was a new room for “happy endings.” Police served the man with a no-trespass order.

‘Frankenparrot’ Used in Vandalism Case

The makers of the board game “Clue” should add this to the list of weapons if they want to make things interesting. Police arrived at a house in Tiverton to speak to a man suspected of putting sugar in his mother’s gas tank but found something much more bizarre. During their investigation, officers allegedly discovered a glass door that had been shattered using – wait for it – a dead parrot. According to reports, the 32-year-old man dug up the family’s dead parrot in the backyard and used it to smash the door. When questioned by police, the man admitted he was mad and threw the dead bird at the door. (It was Colonel Mustard in the library with the dead parrot. Kind of has a ring to it, no?)

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