I recently was struggling with how I was feeling about one of my friends, which prompted me to begin questioning within (and also out loud to my husband, who is thankfully a very patient participant in some of my self inquiry) what exactly friendship means to me. I was also helping one of my clients to work through a family relationship that was causing her to feel distress and unsupported. It was a very imbalanced relationship and she was starting to see that after some of the healing and explorative work we had been doing together. I helped her see that she had contributed to the dynamics of their relationship and that she could also change it.
These two experiences prompted the topics of Saturday’s (June 28th) and Tuesday’s (July 31st) radio shows. Although I am covering similar topics, the shows will be very different. I recorded a little video to give you an idea.
Here are the links for this week’s radio shows and replay of Tuesday’s.
PLANTING SEEDS OF LOVE
Here’s an excerpt from an article that is a great resource on the topic of toxic relationships:
You Deplete Me: 10 Steps to End a Toxic Relationship
By Therese J. Borchard
“You complete me.” You know that line, right … from Jerry McGuire? It comes right before “You had me at hello”(another puker). The completing-the-other bit nauseates me a tad because we relationship-analyzers (some with the right initials after their names and some self-declared experts who can type) like to classify that type of dialogue with a term known as “codependency.”
Ideally, you shouldn’t need anyone to complete you. You should be whole going into a relationship, right? My guess is that those who feel like they are getting fixed are actually getting ripped off. That’s why they keep coming back, hoping that THIS time their partner will make the ouches go away, making them feel all sunshiny and warm inside. Instead, the ouch is bigger, the hole is wider, and they are feeling the way I do when I see a Tom Cruise movie: bad.
A relationship doesn’t have to be romantic to fall into the “toxic” category, of course. Many friendships, mother-daughter, boss-employee, and waiter-eater relationships qualify. If someone is bringing you down consistently, chances are that your relationship with him is toxic. But if you follow these 10 steps, you can start to complete yourself, maybe even look into the mirror and say, “You had me at hello.”
1. Step out of denial.
2. Keep a log of emotions.
3. Identify the perks.
4. Fill the hole.
5. Surround yourself with POSITIVE friends.
6. Drop a note to yourself.
7. Bribe yourself.
8. Heal the shame.
9. Repeat affirmations.
10. Allow some rest.
For another great resource that lists types of energy drain types from Cheryl Richardson, click here.